Is It Okay for Christians to Cut Ties with a Family Member?
Family is great most of the time. We all have those family members we love when they show up and those we love when they leave. Yet, as the adage goes, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
While this will always be true, sometimes you may face challenging decisions regarding your family. These may even force you to consider if you should cut ties with them. Like so many questions of faith, there is no simple answer, so let’s consider some guidelines that will help draw a conclusion.
Understanding God’s Design for Family
Before we talk about cutting ties with a family member, it’s important to remember that family was God’s idea from the very beginning. When God created Adam and Eve, he instructed them to be fruitful and multiply. In this, he was establishing the very first family unit.
With that design came an expectation of mutual care and responsibility. Ideally, families support, protect, and nurture one another. However, not every family functions that way. While there is a general responsibility we carry toward our relatives, the depth of that responsibility often varies depending on the relationship.
For example, the way we care for our parents or children carries more weight than how we interact with a distant cousin or the aunt we see only occasionally. The dynamics within a family are complex, and understanding these distinctions helps us navigate tough decisions with wisdom and grace.
What Does It Really Mean to Cut Ties?
When we talk about cutting ties, we’re not just referring to drifting apart or missing a few phone calls. Cutting ties is a conscious decision to step back, or sometimes to walk away completely, from a relationship. It means reducing or ending contact with someone who was once close.
It could mean not returning phone calls, skipping out on family gatherings, or even putting physical space between you and that person by moving away. Cutting these ties could be a pause, which means they are temporary, but they could be a period, meaning they are permanent.
To be clear, you can’t really “cut ties” with someone you barely speak to. If you only see a relative once every few years at the family barbecue, the emotional distance may already be there. Cutting ties becomes relevant when there’s a genuine relationship on the line with someone who’s part of your world. This person means something to you, which makes the decision to separate so difficult.
You’re not removing a stranger from your life but stepping back from someone you love. That’s not easy and it shouldn’t be. That’s why this issue deserves thoughtful, prayerful consideration.
Is It Okay for Christians to Cut Ties with a Family Member?
There may be moments when creating distance from a family member isn’t just understandable, it may be necessary. Sometimes relationships with those closest to us can become emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually draining. In those cases, stepping back for the sake of your well-being isn’t a sign of weakness, it can be a step toward healing. It is very difficult to heal from a toxic relationship when you are still in the toxic relationship. When relationships reach that level, creating space may be the healthiest choice you can make.
However, the distance does not have to be permanent. Sometimes a season of separation gives room for clarity and paves the way for healing and restoration. It allows you to regroup and approach the relationship from a place of strength, not pain. The goal is to protect your peace and position yourself so that if reconciliation becomes possible, you’ll be ready to walk through that door with a whole heart.
3 Valid Reasons for Cutting Ties
1. Ongoing Abuse
If you are in a relationship with a family member where abuse is present, whether physical, emotional, sexual, or even spiritual, then putting distance between you and that person may be the only safe and sensible option. This isn’t about revenge or bitterness but protection.
If the other person is unwilling to change or take responsibility, that can have lasting, damaging effects. In those situations, walking away may be necessary for your own survival.
2. A Lifestyle That Might Cause You to Stumble
I want to use my words carefully here because not every disagreement is grounds for disconnection. As Christians, there may be times when our values don’t align with those of our loved ones. That alone doesn’t mean we cut ties. In fact, if we look at the heart of God, we see a Father who kept the door open for us even when we were far from him. He didn’t approve of our sin, but he made a way for our return.
Yet, if a family member’s choices or behavior pulls you away from your walk with God, causes you to compromise, or tempts you in ways that weaken your spiritual foundation, then it may be time to take a step back. This doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It just means you need space to guard your heart.
3. Sin That Disrupts Peace
If a family member is living under your roof and brings their chaos into your household, then it may be time to draw a hard line. To protect the peace of your home, cutting ties may be the only option.
If persistent, unrepentant sin is creating disorder and confusion in your daily life, then strong boundaries are necessary. You can love someone deeply and still say, “You can’t bring that here.” A friend of ours had a scenario where a family member was disrupting the peace of their home. As hard as it was, they put them out of their house. It was difficult, but that person got the message, and the relationship was stronger for it.
3 Things to Do before You Cut Ties
If you are thinking of taking this step, remember to make sure you have done these three things first.
1. Pray for Wisdom
This decision could bring peace or regret. Ask God for clarity before you move.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).
2. Seek Godly Counsel
Find someone wise and objective. A fresh set of eyes can spot what you might miss.
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14).
3. Check Your Heart
This is all about motives. If bitterness or anger is driving your decision, hit pause and acknowledge it.
“A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2).
What if You’re the Family Member Who Was Cut Off?
Sometimes, even though it's difficult to accept, you may be the family member whose presence others find overwhelming and need a break from. If that’s the case, then some self-reflection is in order. First, ask yourself why. Are you contributing to the tension? If so, don’t deny it; own it. If you need to repent, then repent.
After that, consider reconciliation. You can’t force it, but your humility in repenting can open the door. Remember, this isn’t about casual relatives but those closest to you. If healing is possible, pursue it.
Finally, give it time. Time doesn’t guarantee restoration, but it can lower defenses and create room for the hard conversations that just might lead to peace.
A Big Decision to Make
Choosing to cut ties with a family member is never a decision anyone should take lightly or flippantly. God established families from the beginning, and His intention is for them to remain intact. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. If it should reach that point, then recognize you can continue to love your family. It just might mean that you must love them from a distance.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Valentina Shilkina
He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose, which helps readers understand how God leads them into his will, and the author of The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has released his first course, Bible Study Basics, to achieve that goal. To learn more about his ministry and resources, please visit clarencehaynes.com.
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